Newton’s first law: an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless it is acted upon by an unbalanced force. Working as a physics content creator, you start to see how many laws the universe follows that you’re not even fully aware of. Thinking about this sentiment on a more philosophical level, I think it means the way you’re used to is often the way you want to keep going.
If you spend money without a savings plan, then you’ll probably feel stretched thin when rent and bills come your way.
If you cope with stress by avoiding your responsibilities, then you will be on Tiktok all night.
If you eat habitually when you’re sad, then you’ll probably be a few pounds heavier than you’d like.
Galatians 6: 7-9: Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
It’s hard to change your habits.
Have you ever met an addict? Maybe you have one in the family or friends. People build a lifetime of small, repeated actions, and they will keep going in that direction unless they are acted upon by an unbalanced force.
As I head into graduate school, I realize how haphazard my life is. I wake up whenever I feel like it, I do work if I’m up for it, and I live based on my whims of the day. It sounds fun, and to a point it is enjoyable. It’s a false sense of freedom that keeps me on this track because I’m simply used to it. I like being the boss of my own life, but I’m the worst boss imaginable.
I realized how good it was to have a schedule, flexible to a point, when I sat down and looked at my day. I wrote down homework to finish, content I needed to make for my job, reading through a book I started, and goals I wanted to achieve for this week. I realized that I avoid a lot of these tasks, not because I’m lazy, but because I have a horrible time dealing with the emotions that these tasks put me through.
Doing my homework makes me feel frustrated. It’s boring. I don’t like how useless it all feels. I’m a senior, and I was accepted into my graduate school. My sense of entitlement peeks out as I feel forced to jump through the last hoops of this race.
My job makes me feel insecure. Mistakes happen, and if you’ve read my previous blog, you’ll know how hard it is for me to face the moments where I’m not perfect. I’m thrown back into my highschool self when I felt like one of the lowest achieving people in my year. I remember how I even skipped school once because I didn’t want to be sitting alone as all my friends were called up to receive their recognition as an honors student.
The book I haven’t touched again reminds me of how broken the world is and how I need to be part of the solution. I feel overwhelmed by this thought, and it’s easier to avoid reading it to avoid the uncomfortable emotions that come with it.
One of my goals is to learn how to drive. I am terrified. I’m scared of how out of control driving looks to someone who isn’t confident or trained well. I don’t like the idea of getting into an accident (I mean who does), but I’m one of the last people I know to still not know how to drive now.
All these things lead back to the simple truth that: in order to do these tasks, I am either forced to confront an uncomfortable truth or forced to make an uncomfortable change. I am no longer allowed to live in blissful ignorance willingly or not, and it’s painful to even think about now.
Today, I scheduled a date for my written test.
Studying for my test is scary. What if I fail it when everyone else has passed this part?
What if I forget what you’re allowed to do on a dotted line versus the solid line?
What if my mistakes aren’t in a vacuum and I really hurt myself or someone else one day?
I’m afraid.
I’m uncomfortable.
I hate that I’m almost making a self-fulfilling prophecy when I act like this, and I actually act like this a lot. I’m so quick to think about my failure that I nearly drop classes that I eventually get full marks in. I nearly quit a lot of things before I can even try because this fear and discomfort can be so paralyzing.
I want to tell myself a new story.
Give myself another narrative to follow.
I’m going to try my best. I’m going to try my best and leave the results to God.
I’m going to fail sometimes and succeed other times.
Life is not always about the outcome.
My final outcome in Christ in complete and finished.
I am simply working on my evolution to that point.
I am taking part of that work to completion.
I’m scared, but I’m not going to let that fear stop me from my calling.
I’m uncomfortable, but there is no life in a comfortable, safe space.
Jesus who was the most successful person alive lived in constant discomfort on earth, why do I think that my life will be any easier? Just because I am uncomfortable does not mean that I am failing. I need to take a breath, sit in the discomfort, place it in the hands of God who loves me, and keep moving.
Comments
Post a Comment