I’m the type to jump ship without knowing how to swim in open water and ask God to save me when I’m drowning. Dramatics, but what I mean is that I often live my life in a “I lead, God follows” or “I do whatever the hell I want and ask God to bless me” way. These past few years have been a work in my heart to slow down and ask, ask, ask. Asking God isn’t supposed to be a formality, but it’s an invitation to God into my life. It’s a heart of humility to say that I’m not the master of my summer plans, let alone my life. It can seem like such a small thing to ask God about, but doesn’t God know the number of hairs on my head? I think he would care about two months of my life.
This is my first summer without an internship or job lined up, not that I didn’t apply. It’s also my last summer before I head into optometry school, and I’m seeking to rest and relax before eyeballs become all I think about. So, I just decided that. This will be a summer where I chill! I deserve it. I worked hard to get into my dream school. I worked hard every summer, every semester, and I…
This is the part where God convicts me (a little), and I ask where is God’s vision in all of this. It makes me balk because I also had plans to learn how to drive and handle my finances better (to grow up into the adult I want to be) i.e. my plans feel godly enough for me. In my eyes, these are great plans. Let’s look to the Word together:
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Record scratch. Freeze frame. I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I don’t think or believe that a lot of the time. I make a lot of choices myself. I decide what to do when I wake up. What time to walk my dog. How much coffee to drink. The color I paint my nails this week. What’s another choice on my list?
I also have plans to do virtual missions in Tokyo, Japan this summer!
(This is also totally a plug to reach out to me if you would like to partner with me in prayer and in finances for missions! If the Holy Spirit convicts you, who are we to stop that, right?)
I feel like that was a checkmark for me: good job, Grace, you’re giving two weeks solely to God. You’ll have a testimony. You’ll share with Japanese students. You’ll grow so much!
The worst thing about giving God a little or even a lot of what you have is thinking that you get to keep all the rest for yourself. God, I gave you 4 years of my life to ministry, the rest is for me to enjoy and get rich. God, I gave up this sin for you, but this one I will keep around. God, I give you each Sunday, so let me do whatever I want Monday through Saturday.
Don’t take this as judgement cause I’m here with you in Clown University thinking that I’m so generous for giving God a crumb of the whole loaf of life that belongs to Him already (I make weird analogies- ask my small group). We have to question ourselves. Why? Your life isn’t yours. Say that out loud. I’m saying this out loud: My life is not mine. My summer plans are not mine. My money, time, energy, and investments are not mine.
For everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. (1 Chronicles 29:11)
Your life was bought at a price. The life of Jesus was the payment.
So, everything I do belongs to Jesus. Everything I am belongs to Jesus.
God, I belong to you.
So, let’s not fool ourselves anymore. Let’s ask God what to do for our summers, what classes to take, what things to look at, what people to talk to, what guys/girls to date, what church to attend, and what plans to make based on His will out of His love and for His glory. It’s not easy, and I get that. I hate feeling the resistance within me that says: God, I believe You are good, save me from troubles, comfort me in my woes, but don’t You dare tell me to let You decide my life for me.
My prayer (edit to yours):
God, I want to learn how to drive, learn how to manage my money, and go on missions this summer. These sound like great plans to me. I know the plans I have for me, but what are Your higher plans? I know my thoughts, but what are Your thoughts? What are Your ways? What do You want me to do with this time? God, reveal in me the parts that are blinded by my stubbornness and pride. Show me Your plans for my good and my future. Give me the wisdom to discern what is being done out of my own will and the will of others versus Your desires. God, I don’t even know what You would ask of me, but I’m here now trying my best to surrender and seek. Lord, You promise that those who seek will find (Matthew 7:7). Lord, You also say to seek first your kingdom and all these things will be given to us (Matthew 6:33). I’m sorry it took me this long to even crack open this part of my life more, but I’m here now. Lord, I am asking You to use me for Your glory this summer. Maybe it’s exactly the plans I thought it would be or maybe it’s a mix of the plans I had and more/less or maybe it’s nothing like I pictured. Only You know, and I know that You are trustworthy and good. Help me to be willing to yield to You what I find precious and important in the little and the big.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen
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