In between the hustle of missions, team time, eating on a schedule, and waking up at 5 AM everyday, I’ve honestly had such a surprising experience at missions. I think coming into missions, all I knew was that God had finally given me the peace and confirmation I needed to finally go for the first time after four years of college missions.
I’m writing this fueled by 4-5 hours of sleep a night and endless scheduling:
God is Teaching Me Patience
The first thing I learned was that I’m a really impatient person. I’ll admit this isn’t my first time realizing this, but I just really recognized it after I cried because the first day I asked people to support me no one did (yet). I’ve definitely got so far to grow because it’s definitely far from the person God wants me to be.
When I think about it, I want things to happen as soon as possible. I want prayers answered within the day. I’m looking for the Amazon Prime God, within 2 days or less, and it’s something God has been so gracious in transforming me in. In the Bible it says, 2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” How good is our God who waits on us so that more and more people can get the chance to know Him?
I think I’m impatient because I feel entitled to getting things my way. I say I want God to be King of my heart, but I still want to rule things in my life. I know that God sees that in me, and He sees my heart to change so He showed me how little patience I had for His plans.
Can I be honest? I just want to know how things will turn out: Who will I marry? Will I get to be a doctor with my sanity intact? Will my family ever get COVID? Will COVID ever come back? Should I find a new church here or there? God, I want answers. I’m nervous about what You have in store for me. What I need is to remind myself of who exactly God is and what He wants for me is not only good but what’s best for me. If I knew everything, why would I ever need to trust God with my life? Where would the need for faith be?
Thank You for waiting for me and forming me into the person You want me to be.
The Value of a Single Person
Sometimes I can feel like as one person I can do so little, and that’s completely true. As one person, an average girl in NYC, I don’t really hold much power or influence. I think I think of my value in terms of the world and how it values people. How many followers do you have? Are you in the top 1% of your class in the top Ivy League class? Do you come from an affluent family or know the “right people”?
I feel like to add real value and be seen as worthy in this world, I should have something more to offer than just being myself. Myself doesn’t feel like enough to win anyone over. Myself feels like more of a loss sometimes, but I think that without God all of that is true. My own talent, intelligence, and charisma will at best win over the temporary attention of others, but if I want to be part of winning something eternal then I need to draw them with the eternal. In Psalm 42:7 it says, “Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.”
God has created a depth in us. Depth as the “religious aspect to that which is ultimate, infinite, and unconditional in humanity’s spiritual life” (Paul Tillich). Depth encapsulates the parts of our life that are unchanging and never ending, our spiritual life, and spirit (us) can only cry out to Spirit (God). In every person is eternal essence and value, what differs between each person is the destination of their spirit based on if it chooses to respond to the Holy Spirit’s calling for them.
God, in making you based on His image, has created the value of eternity. Isn’t that amazing? So, in every person is eternity, and we have the opportunity to partner with God as we obey the call to share the gospel. It’s hard to imagine, but one day, all your efforts will be fully realized. Every prayer, every wish, every hope, every seed planted, every tear, every act of hope, faith, and love will be full and complete in Jesus.
When God sees you, He sees you with the wholeness of your being to His Being.
That’s why we seek out others because they are part of that eternity with us, and if we love them we want them to be standing hand to hand with Jesus in the end. If we don’t want that for them, then we are just like everyone else worrying about the shallows of their life (how they look, what they will wear, what they will eat, how much money they will make, how much fame they will hold to their name, what their retirement plans look like) only to lose it all like a vapor. Shallow calls out to shallow. We will never get to experience the depth of the goodness and fullness we were always meant to experience because we will either be too afraid to lose our footing in the shallows to float in faith or too comfortable to even step into the waters.
Stepping out into faith is scary, the waves crash over you, sometimes knocking you over and into the murky depths. It is not a place where you are in any control or have any power, just dependent on the motion of the ocean to carry you where you need to go. That is where real life begins when our idea that we are in any control of life ends and our submission to God's will begins.
Thankfulness
I’m thankful for the ways that God has decided to bring a team of His children to fulfill His purposes. We are all far from perfect, yet when God saw the world He wanted to save, He invited us into that story. We surrender the role of “main character” in our lives, and we give God back what has rightfully belonged to Him all along.
Life is so much sweeter when we live life in constant reminder of what Jesus has done for us. In Lamentations 3:22-23 it says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” When your days are full of the mercy of God, other people look so different when you know - just like them - we are all undeserving of the grace God lavishes onto us every day.
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