Driving Anxiety: I am More Than a Conqueror - Blog # 19

 

        Currently I’ve had 3 sessions/6 classes of driving lessons, and I’m writing this post T-3 hours from my 4th session. I have bouts of anxiety and a bundle of nerves in my stomach every time, and I think it’s because I know my weaknesses. I’ve never been super strong with hand-eye coordination. I wouldn’t say motor skills are my strength. I can’t say for sure that I can control my circumstances or the cars around me, and that leads me to a place of discouragement.

It’s really draining to be so anxious.

When I think about how fear masters me, I see it like I’m a dog with a tight leash around my throat being led to places I don’t want to go. Maybe for you driving isn’t your fear, but maybe it’s failing a test, disappointing your parents, losing friends because of your faith, never getting into a relationship, etc. Fear has so many of us in a chokehold, and it’s insidious how we don’t even see how it erodes us.

Part of my emotional rehabilitation and maturity journey is to conquer fear: not through my own grit, strength, and ability. I could be going to classes, confident in my skills or in my driving instructor, but I don’t want that. I want to cultivate freedom from fear through confidence in God. I want to trust that God is the one in control, but when the wheels are in my hands, I can feel all my doubts flood in.

As an act of faith, I want to continue to be honest about my anxiety and true to the ways I want God to work in my life. I need help, God, I’m asking earnestly and humbly for help. It’s all I have left: turning to You.

I don’t want my ability to learn and grow to be killed off by my inability to overcome fear. 

I feel tense as I write these words because it is normal and natural for me to turn into a cowering mess, yet God wants me to be strong in faith and I don’t know if I can be strong. I close my eyes and suck in a breath: God, I need You to help me to be strong and give me faith.

I could quit.

I could give up. 

I could make excuses about it.

I don’t know, I just feel more tired from being afraid. I’m at my wits end with myself, and I just know that I want victory in God, by God, and through God. I want to be able to travel places knowing that Jesus is with me. I want to trust God’s words over me. 

I need to get ready to run some errands and then go to class, but I ask that you pray for me to trust God. I pray that I will be confident and not conceited. I pray that God will turn me from a wimp into a hero for His glory, and that this victory would only happen through my full reliance on Him.

I hope you know that in the same way God is working on me, that He’s working on you too. He’s making you someone who is able to overcome your fears. He is with you, and He will never leave you. In your weakness, in your lacking, in your absolute denial of faith - He is abundantly sufficient in caring for your needs and capable of handling your doubts.

Meditate on this verse with me:

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37