These past few days have taught me a lot of things, and one of those things is having grace for yourself (haha get it cause my name-), okay lame joke aside! I think I can be so hard on myself; I want to be this great person - this amazing daughter to God - yet I fail to realize that I have already reached my destination. In my efforts and heart, I am already exactly who I was made to be regardless of the results.
I am so thankful for my friends who cheered me on, comforted me, loved me, called me, and wrote me the most touching messages. I can’t believe that this is my life, that I get to experience living in the best city with the best people, and living out my purpose. Of course, that’s before all my midterms and finals kick in, and I go from feeling like a hero to zero in a blink of an eye.
God constantly humbles me, guys. I feel like there’s so much I can’t understand and maybe never will understand. I think I’ve spent half this week crying over how inadequate I feel, how disappointed I am in these hopes and dreams I came in with, and how little I have control over. It’s where God meets me, with full gentleness and reassurance of His love for me, that no matter how unclear the road ahead looks, we walk hand in hand together and He knows exactly where He’s leading me. It’s where my community surrounds me in prayers, hope, and encouragement. It’s where I see how prideful, broken, and helpless I am, and it’s the beginning of a journey better than I could have ever imagined.
In life, you will face difficulties on your walk with God. You may question if He put you in the storm out of spite, punishment, or just plain cruelty. You question the calling you once went on your knees and in desperation asked for. You wonder if God can still be present with you, but that’s okay. God can handle your questions and doubts. God’s love can cover the wages of all sin whether self-inflicted or from others. God can handle the weight of the world on your shoulders. God will lead you out of the storm because it is for His name and glory that you would be a shining example of His victory over all.
God treasures His children, so He wants them to experience what hope in the wrong things feels like so they can run to Him. He watches as we ignore Him, leave Him behind, and forsake His outstretched hand knowing that this is the wickedness of the people He loves. Can you imagine the pain of loving such unfaithful and undeserving people? Can you imagine dying for them? That’s what God did for us when He sent Jesus to die on the cross. Without hesitation, God gives His all for us, again and again and again.
I look at myself, and I know that without God I’m no one. Degree or not. Grades or not. Even through what feels like insurmountable troubles, God is with me, and that is heaven on earth. God’s presence with us. There is nothing that can take that away from me. Life is not supposed to be easy, but God makes it more than worth going through and the struggle is never in vain. God’s promises give us everlasting hope. God’s desire to transform you can be seen clearly through our battles. They’re used to reveal your sin and shame, bring down the walls you didn’t even know you had up, and shake up your life so that nothing else stands but His love for you.
God stands with me and that is enough to carry me through anything and everything. The next four years, my life will be held by God’s hands and sustained by His great love.
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