Hi everyone! This is my first time doing this on the blog (exciting), but as I venture through my walk with God, I’ve found so many resources helpful and insightful to me. I thought about compiling a list of all the resources I’ve found each month (if possible given my school schedule) and share them with you. I’ll offer summaries, insights, notable quotables, and any of my thoughts with you here.
For books, I am actually using Scribd to read them through a monthly subscription (first month is free), but I’ll be linking the books through Amazon (non-affiliated)! I am usually super frugal when it comes to subscriptions, I literally only paid for Spotify premium starting last year, but now I realize it’s worth the investment. $4.99 a month is worth listening to worship on my one hour commute to and then one hour commute back to school. $9.99 a month is worth reading a million books, each of which probably cost more than $9.99 themselves, and gaining so much insight and knowledge. If you’re hesitant on spending money, I totally understand, and the sermons, videos, and articles I share will be beneficial and free!
Books:
TW: spiritual abuse, sexual abuse
Book Summary:
Author Renee Altson understands all about being hurt, feeling alone, and full of doubt. While her story is an extreme example of abuse and mistreatment done in the name of God, her struggles with God as Father and with faith and disbelief are universal. This book is a perfect companion for those who have survived or know someone who has survived abuse, as well as for anyone who has ever questioned whether the journey toward faith is worthwhile. As you stumble with Renee, you will discover new deep places within your own heart and the freedom to question a God who is big enough to handle your doubts. May this book help you learn the breath and depth of the love of God and may the prayer you offer be the same as Renee's: 'I believe. Help my unbelief.'
My thoughts:
I read this New Years morning, and I was deeply disturbed in my soul. I found myself stopping throughout the book to pray for this author and the people involved in her life. It’s a dark start to this recommendations list, but I’ll be honest it opened my eyes to the horrors of spiritual abuse. In this book Alston recounts her traumatic childhood of not only being sexually abused by her father but having him recite prayers and sing hymns while assaulting her. At her church, her pastor would inflict further pain, rejection, and disdain for her. She would be mocked for her ‘lack of faith and forgiveness’. She would be emotionally and mentally abused with verses and under the guise of righteousness. Her own pastor told her that she was a murderer and he would consider her dead to him if she had an abortion for the baby possibly fathered by her own father. I felt sick to my stomach after reading this book, and how we (yes, we) can perpetuate harm and use God for our personal gain.
This book made me rethink how we as believers respond to the grief, loss, and experiences of others. Do we just offer a “I’ll be praying for you” to ease our own conscience and relieve ourselves of doing anything? Do we accuse people of sins for the problems in their lives? Do we demand people forgive others because it’s right to do so without considering their experiences with compassion and understanding? Do we say “trust God”, “let it go”, “have more faith”, and offer out of context verses when people are suffering?
My Takeaway:
I think it’s easy to look at the abusers and have deep hatred and disgust for them, yet fail to look at the ways we contribute to this pain in others. I found myself troubled, grieved, and hurting for this woman. Something I want to take away from this book is to not be so white-knuckled on truth that I forget that people go through difficult experiences and lives that have led them to the decisions. I want to protect and validate these experiences in others. I don’t want to offer half-hearted prayers, a bullet point list of verses, and be on my merry way. What does it mean to sit in the sadness of someone’s suffering? Not giving answers. Not having any advice to give. Just being with them and crying with them.
Book Summary:
What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God's truth.
My thoughts:
The title says it all. The title is the cry of my heart. It’s not supposed to be this way, my tear-stained pillow knows better than anyone these days. Dealing with disappointment with God has two meanings for me: handling them alongside Him and handling the ones I have against Him. I’m hurting. It’s not pretty. It’s not neat. It’s not what I dreamed my life would be right now.
Yet, to leave God out of the picture is only a disservice to myself. The further I find myself wanting to run, the more I realize that my only desired destination is into God’s loving arms. God loves puffy-eyed, scowling, and disappointed Grace just as much as He loves bright-eyed, smiling, and satisfied Grace. It feels so good to know that I can question God. I’m able to yell at God one minute before seeking comfort from Him the next. Unconditional is the word that comes to mind.
It also feels good to know that other people, especially sisters in Christ, struggle with deep disappointments. I don’t feel like the one suspicious person who can’t find the goodness in all of the chaos. To be faced with surmounting pressure and one disappointment after another. I feel overwhelmed. I want to be coddled and held like a newborn baby. I want to curl up into a ball in my bed and never leave. I want God to change things right now.
“To live is to love. To love is to risk pain. To risk pain is to love. It’s what it means to truly be human. As fragile as dust. The breaking of us. The making of us. The building up of our faith.”
My Takeaway:
I don’t want to build my faith sometimes. “God, enough. I love you. I have faith. Stop torturing me.” If it were honestly up to me, I would never face any challenges. I wouldn’t build my faith, nothing would be worth my comfort or my convenience. Yet, I must face these challenges in my life, and the only choice I’m given is to see God as good and turn towards Him in desperation or see God as evil/indifferent and turn away from Him in desolation.
The truth is I don’t know how 2022 will go. I didn’t have an inkling of a thought on how 2021 would go: so much joy, sadness, excitement, grief, endings, and beginnings. So much can happen with God. Resilience isn’t being independent. Strength isn’t found in human efforts. It’s humility and utter dependence on God that is our only way out of the depths of disappointment.
I also realize that in this lifetime not everything will be restored. I’ll have to carry scars on my heart until the day I die. Even if I get what I want, it’ll never be what I pictured it would be or give me the feelings I wanted to come from it. Even if I got everything I wanted, in this world, it’ll never be enough. I’m learning that Jesus is enough. I wish I could be 100% there, but I don’t think anyone is. I think I’ll continue to falter some days and be stronger on others.
Book Summary:
“All Things New is for readers who. . .
wonder if the difficult things they go through matter;
feel anxious about the future and their loved ones' futures;
fear their dreams won’t come true; and
want to understand what God has planned for their life.
This revolutionary book about our future is based on the simple idea that, according to the Bible, heaven is not our eternal home--the New Earth is. As Jesus says in the gospel of Matthew, the next chapter of our story begins with "the renewal of all things," by which he means the earth we love in all its beauty, our own selves, and the things that make for a rich life: music, art, food, laughter, and all that we hold dear. Everything shall be renewed "when the world is made new."
More than anything else, how you envision your future shapes your current experience. If you knew that God was going to restore your life and everything you love any day; if you believed a great and glorious goodness was coming to you--not in a vague heaven but right here on this earth--you would have a hope to see you through anything, an anchor for your soul, "an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God" (Hebrews 6:19).
Most Christians (most people for that matter) fail to look forward to their future because their view of heaven is vague, religious, and frankly boring. Hope begins when we understand that for the believer nothing is lost. Heaven is not a life in the clouds; it is not endless harp-strumming or worship-singing. Rather, the life we long for, the paradise Adam and Eve knew, is precisely the life that is coming to us. And that life is coming soon.”
My thoughts:
I found this book while researching a book I wanted to get for my best friend. Something we often talk about is this eternal longing we all have for there to be more than this life and all its limitations have to offer. In our hearts, we know that we were made for more -- a perfect place free of sin where we live in the physical and spiritual presence of God -- but that is something we can only wait for until God creates the new heavens and new earth. In my own heart, I have desires for the day that God will one day wipe away every tear and the former things will not come to mind.
In Revelations 21:4 it says, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
After spending a majority of the end of 2021 crying, I didn’t just want my sadness to end for now but forever. I dream of the day I’m free from loss. I dream of the day where all my longings are fulfilled. I dream of not being confused or having more questions than answers. I don’t dream of heaven -- but new heaven and new earth -- where our lives are restored.
Crushing: God Turns Pressure into Power By TD Jakes
Book Summary:
In this insightful book, #1 New York Times bestselling author T.D. Jakes wrestles with age-old questions: Why do the righteous suffer? Where is God in all the injustice?
Bishop Jakes tells crushing personal stories from his own journey -- the painful experience of learning his young teenage daughter was pregnant, the agony of watching his mother succumb to Alzheimer's, and the shock and helplessness he felt when his son had a heart attack.
Bishop Jakes wants to show you how God uses difficult, crushing experiences to prepare you for unexpected blessings. If you are faithful through suffering, you will be surprised by God's joy, comforted by His peace, and fulfilled with His purpose. Crushing will inspire you to have hope, even in your most difficult moments. If you trust in God and lean on Him during setbacks, He will lead you through.
My thoughts:
This book immediately caught my attention after I watched Bishop Jakes talk on TBN “T.D. Jakes: How to Overcome Crushing Pain | FULL EPISODE | Praise on TBN'' where the gentle strength and spirit of a man who has walked through serious seasons of crushings is evident and palpable. Even from the first page of Crushing, I found myself wowed by the immediacy of vulnerability in sharing the shocking revelation TD Jakes experienced. God’s crushing is not to leave us crushed, but after the plentiful harvest, in order to make valuable wine, grapes must be crushed and likewise so are we.
I enjoyed his reflectiveness of the trials we go through and the refinement our character finds itself under. We don’t falter because we are faith or strong, but God’s grace mysteriously imbues us with power to be strengthened by the pressures of life.
“When God Says "No": Facing Disappointment and Denial Without Losing Heart, Losing Hope, Or Losing Your Head” by Elizabeth Laing Thompson
Book Summary:
No is not a four-letter word, but it certainly feels like one.
It’s one thing to feel God’s love when life goes your way, but what happens to your faith when life doesn’t go as you had planned?
When prayers go unanswered and dreams unfulfilled?
When the sick stay sick and the dead do not rise?
When you’re lost in the desert and the Promised Land seems like empty promise?
When God says, “No,” how do you grapple with disappointment?
Author Elizabeth Laing Thompson walks alongside readers as she tackles the difficulties that stymie our faith, stifle our prayers, and stunt our relationship with God. When God Says, “No” will help you to discover hope when life feels hopeless, good in what feels bad, and new dreams when old ones have died. This book is a fantastic reminder of Who is in charge—Who He is and how He works. How He loves us and why He limits us. The better we know Him, the more we understand that He says “No” to a few things, so He might say “Yes” to many more.
My thoughts:
This book made me cry, not because it was particularly emotional, but it was very validating to feel that I was not alone in my confusion, heartbreak, and struggles. Elizabeth Laing Thompson speaks like a friend, and her imaginative retelling of the lives of Biblical people breathes new life into them, drawing us into their stories and eventual struggle when God says “no” to their requests/desires. This book helped me digest and reflect on my situation and how God works in the midst of “no” sometimes in even greater glory than His “yes”.
They That Wait: Why God's Delays Are Not His Denials by Rick White
Book Summary:
Why does God have us wait? Why cant my prayers be answered the way I want, when I want? Is there a purpose in the delay? There are answers to those questions, and you will find them in Pastor Rick Whites book, They That Wait. The word wait can have several different perspectives, and each one can have a unique purpose. Discover the purpose of your wait within the pages of this book. Learn how God works during the silent times of your spiritual journey.
Mary and Martha said, Lord, if you had only been here. They were looking for a healing, but God's delay brought about a miraculous resurrection.
My thoughts:
Patience…waiting on God…waiting for the train…waiting for anything is my worst nightmare. I don’t like waiting! Why can’t I have it now? I feel myself grow pint-sized like a toddler asking for ice cream before dinner sometimes. This book had so many highlight-worthy quotes for me that brought me so much comfort as I wait for God to answer me and reveal what’s to come.
Sometimes I would rather get a “no” than a “wait”.
Waiting feels like torture. Waiting feels like nothing is happening.
Waiting is medicine for my pride and ego. Waiting is God’s way of teaching me the gift of dependence and trust. Waiting is letting God take control of what is and what will be.
Bible Devotionals:
I’ll be honest, I don’t read my Bible devotionals as much as I should normally, but I’ve been under a lot of difficult personal problems and pain. If you read my 7-part blog series in November, you’ll more or less get the sense that I’m grieving a loss. I’m not scared to talk about it. I used to feel ashamed for my sadness, hiding it away for fear that it would turn away God and others, but as I embrace my pain publicly I am rewriting my history with Jesus. I am speaking a new narrative over my suffering.
You can read my 7-part blog series here:
Read Part 1: the surrender (day 1/7) - Blog # 27
Read Part 2: Embracing out Grief: the Sadness of Saturday (day 2/7) - Blog # 28
Read Part 3: Carry the Burden: Community in Christ (day 3/7) - Blog # 29
Read Part 4: Finding Favor in the Here and Now (day 4/7) - Blog # 30
Read Part 5: Don’t Stop Dreaming: the Promise of Jesus (day 5/7) - Blog # 31
Read Part 6: Renewed and Refreshed: Guided by God (day 6/7) - Blog # 32
Read Part 7: Have More Grace (day 7/7) - Day # 33
Part of my journey isn’t just expressing myself, but it’s also spending time in God’s word daily and intentionally. We cannot stay stuck in our sadness, and eventually we either succumb or we partner with Jesus and rise to the challenge. God doesn’t leave you to fend for yourself, not only is Jesus with you, but the Holy Spirit dwells within you. In order to activate and be strong in our faith, we must read the Bible. Man cannot live on bread alone but by the word of God (Matthew 4:4).
From the YouVersion Bible App, I recommend you these Bible devotionals:
7 Days
Dreaming of a fresh start? On the verge of a new season? In this 7-day Prayer Plan, prepare for the future God has for you by intentionally seeking His heart. Discover what breakthrough can happen when you draw near to God and make space for Him to draw near to you.
4 Days
If you’re alive, then you’ve probably struggled with worry. Some people worry a lot, while others occasionally allow things to preoccupy our thoughts. No matter how often or how little, it’s wise for us to learn how to navigate this monster that we allow to steal our peace and hijack our faith. This 4-day Plan will help you do just that.
5 Days
If we choose to follow Christ, we’re engaged in spiritual warfare. It’s unseen and often undetected, but just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent. Our spiritual enemy desires to disrupt our lives so we’ll live miserably. In this 5-day Plan, learn how to find victory by relying on God’s strength because it’s available. We just have to begin using it.
4 Days
Overcoming difficult seasons can feel impossible when you’re going through them. But thankfully, God is able to do more than what we ask or imagine. In this 4-day plan, discover how God can redeem your pain and disappointment and give it purpose.
4 Days
With each New Year comes a new chance for a fresh start. Don’t let this be just another year that begins with resolutions you won’t keep. This 4-day plan will guide you in reflection and give you a new perspective so you can make this your best year yet.
8 Days
Are you waiting for God to answer your prayers? Do the days, months, and years go by with no evidence that your deepest longings will ever be fulfilled? If so, you’re not alone. Join Dr. Charles Stanley as he draws on personal experience and biblical principles to offer you encouragement when all hope seems gone and guidance to help you make the most of God’s delays.
Sermons/Videos
GOD, WHERE ARE YOU!? | John Bevere
Dessert In The Desert // You Can't Take That To The Desert // The Sauce (Part 1) // Charles Metcalf
T.D. Jakes: Overcoming Crushing Pain (Full Teaching) | Praise on TBN
Waiting on God's Timing, Part 1 – Charles F. Stanley
God - Our Faithful Companion – Dr. Charles Stanley
When Never Meets Now | Pastor Steven Furtick | Elevation Church
Songs
Graves Into Gardens ft. Brandon Lake | Live | Elevation Worship
CityAlight - Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me (Live)
The Blessing with Kari Jobe & Cody Carnes | Live From Elevation Ballantyne | Elevation Worship
Worthy | Live | Elevation Worship
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