Dear Lord, THANK YOU. Thank You for being with me through my entire life, not just these trying two weeks. Thank You for bringing me here in school. Thank You for the opportunity to not only do something I love but to SERVE YOU and others. Thank You because I’m tired, but I still have breath in my lungs. Thank You for friends to study with. Thank You for helpful classmates. Thank You for merciful professors. Thank You for my supportive family. Thank You for my prayerful and encouraging friends. Thank You for community and church. Thank You for helping me study everyday and retain information. Thank You for doing this. You get the glory. You’re the superstar. I love You. In Jesus name I pray, Amen
3/2/22
I am ALMOST done with my midterms as I begin writing my blog post. What a journey it’s been already. I know how to check a prescription, check for tropias, and how to cram a semester of studying into 1.5 days. I started this semester off with a lot of difficulties on my shoulders. I was weighed down by the uncertainty of my future and questioning God’s purpose and plan for my life. Life doesn’t stop being hard even if you’re living in your calling. Sometimes living in your calling is why it’s hard. You’re refusing the shortcut. You’re not taking the no for an answer unless it’s from God. You are choosing the path of most resistance when you don’t follow God’s path in GOD’s way. So often, we do take the right path, but then we use our own efforts and strength to get through it. Why do I think God drops me in the wilderness with no cloud? (Refer to: The LORD went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. Exodus 13:21). God didn’t take me all the way to my first day of optometry school just to leave me now. He didn’t move you to a new city to skip town after you arrived. He didn’t ditch you when your feet touched the ground of your new job. He didn’t go into hiding when He brought you into that relationship. “Good luck! You got this from here,” is not the way of our God. Yet, I walk around with this orphan spirit of “I have to make sure I’m okay. I have to make sure I’m on track. I have to do this right otherwise my life is over.” My life isn’t mine to begin with, so how could I lose it? My life -- your life if you believe in God -- is hidden IN Christ. (Colossians 3:1-4 “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” I do not live to strive for my best 80 or so years (if even that). I can’t live like that without ending up anxious, depressed, and unfulfilled. I want to strive for greater things. I want eternal treasure. I want to live with heaven in mind. I want God to hug me, and tell me I made Him so happy! That He saw me proud to be His daughter. I wear a cross necklace hung around my neck like Jesus hung on the cross for me. So I could live the life He deserved. So I didn’t have to try so hard to be good or worthy. So I could be freed from the shame of my past and the worries of my future. I really like my life. I don’t hear people say that a lot. I like it because God is here. Not because everything is perfect. A lot of things have not gone my way. A lot of people I wanted with me are gone. A lot of dreams have been buried. A lot of hurts have scarred over. I like my life because it’s not mine. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t deserve it, but now I live in the life Jesus bought for me. I got a new chance. I got a new start with all the upgrades: joy, peace, power, forgiveness, and love. I get to have the best relationship in the world with God now. I can rest in His guidance. I can accept rejection. I can forgive people. I can choose what’s right. I struggle all the time still with the freedom that I have available when it’s easier to take the familiar route. Throwing myself a pity party. Complaining and criticizing. Being anxious and angry. Judging others. These things all fit like a glove. I do it without even blinking. “Why can’t I have what they have? That’s so not fair! What will happen to me?” It’s natural to think those ways, but I want to set my mind on things above. I need the Holy Spirit because if I search for my own glory, I find rock and rubble, but if I look for God’s glory I find gold. I’m not always easygoing, I’ll admit that I’m tight-fisted when it comes to my life. My goals. My dreams. My plans. But God has been whittling that part of me away to carve the right heart in me. With God, surrender is how we win this battle. It’s how we win every situation. We let God do His part, and we do what we can. We need to stop thinking that ‘more’ = more obedient. Obedient is exactly what you were asked to do: nothing more and nothing less. God didn’t ask you to be anyone’s savior. God didn't ask you to do it all. God didn’t say to forgive using your own strength. God didn’t say to heal on your own either. 3/4/22 I finished my last midterm (of this semester)! I just have another round of finals to go before I’m ¼ done. Time passes so quickly. Unexpected changes have come my way. Challenges I’ve never expected have risen, and instead of rising to the challenge, I let myself fall at the feet of Jesus and let Him battle the giants. My fight is usually against myself. Not letting God be in control is one of my daily struggles. I want to win on my own, but I just lose more of myself and I don’t even get what I want in the first place. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” I thought about what this verse really means. Glory to glory is possible because God is always victorious. Glory to glory is when we live everyday in obedience through the power of the Spirit of God. Glory to glory is an attitude of seeking God’s glory first: front and center. Even if we fail, we get back up not because we are so able and strong-willed, but God is not going to fail to take us from the glory of the cross to the glory of everlasting life and the glory that comes with every step in between. Some moments in life do not feel glorious. Working that job you’re not really fulfilled in. Being a mother to adorably crazy, needy babies. Working through heartache and disappointment. Failing that super important test or class. But that’s the thing: God is constantly being glorified in Your situation regardless of your viewpoint or circumstance. God is constantly in our midst. Maybe that’s a small comfort to you when your bank account is in the red. Maybe that’s not even a blip on your mind when your mom and dad are at each other’s throats in the other room. That’s the thing about faith: it exists above our feelings. It’s the truth that God can and will use everything for our good, but the only question is if you’re willing to partake in that mission or further your own plans. God will let the storm happen, but where will you stand? Will you take cover under your own understanding? Will you try to outrun what will inevitably catch up to you? Or will you let the storm pass knowing that God isn’t outside watching, He’s in the middle of the storm with you. Guiding. Teaching. Speaking. Moving. Present. Powerful. The presence of the storm isn’t an absence of God. It’s absence of your glory for God’s greater good. God’s greater good is painful. I’m sorry to tell myself this every time I learn the hard way, but being a Christian isn’t a one-way ticket to external wealth, comfort, and personal gain. Loving God isn’t a means to my end of happiness. The thing is that even if I chase what I want, in my own way and my own time and with my own hands, I'll spend my life running after nothing. It all fades. It all ends. The guy I really wanted to be with is just another broken, sinful person who isn’t always thoughtful or considerate or going to save me from my own sin. The job that I'll apply several times for doesn’t have the same shine it used to after I even get it. My family, that hope of unconditional support and acceptance, has moments of frustration, guilt, shame, and misunderstandings. With God, there is not just hope for something more, but a promise of glory HERE and glory THERE. Glory everywhere you go is the PROMISE of God. That glory doesn’t lie in a person or a place or a dream. Glory is being in the presence of God, so that as we go from each season of life knowing that God was with us, is with us, and will go before us, we know that there is no lack of glory in any aspect of our lives. 1 Corinthians 31:33 says “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. Do not become a stumbling block, whether to Jews or Greeks or the church of God— as I also try to please everyone in all I do. For I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many, that they may be saved.” What does this mean? You can sit in traffic for the glory of God. You can drink coffee for the glory of God. You can wave hello to someone for the glory of God. You can do all things all the time for God’s glory. Things that we find meaningless or ordinary are suddenly infused with supernatural power and meaning. Your everyday life has purpose and action. If you search for your own glory, it will only be found on mountain tops, but God’s glory is found even in the valley lows. Psalm 23: 3-4 says “He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for the sake of His name. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” This means you don’t have to worry about the whens, hows, and whys. You just have to ask everyday: “What do You want me to do now, God?” Just find the next step ahead. Just look for God’s very next calling. You take one step at a time. That’s how faith works in the kingdom of God. I don’t need to have the ability to face a whole year of optometry school, I just need God to give me the ability to go one more day. The power of ‘glory to glory’ mentality is that it’s a daily endeavor. It’s an everyday striving. It’s daily manna that God gives us. God doesn’t give us enough for another day. Each day has its own battle. Each day has its own struggle. Each moment has its own problems. God gives me just enough to get the glory of today so that tomorrow I must go on my knees for ask for more. Did you know that Jesus was most glorified on the cross? Does that mess with your definition of glory? We think of gold medals or fancy degrees. We think of higher paychecks and luxury watches. Jesus’ glory came in iron nails and two planks of wood. So, when I come into life troubled, that is not a sign that I’m doing the wrong thing. If I am living in sin, it is important that I confess, I share within my personal community, and I repent. But if that’s settled, and troubles come my way, then that’s for God’s glory that I suffer. James 1:2-4 Trials and Temptations Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Nothing good is produced out of ease and comfort. When we are pressed, that’s when who we really are shows. God isn’t surprised, but I am surprised all the time by how weak, how narrow-minded, how shallow, how impatient, how anxious, and how selfish I am when you rip away the covers. God lets me see the truth, and I can either bury myself in shame, cover my eyes and plug my ears, or I can bring this broken girl to God and let Him transform me. I do not go from glory to glory as the same Grace that I was yesterday. It’s not about trying harder. It’s not about doing better. It’s not praying more. It’s surrender. It’s going to God. It’s letting what happened happen, and not letting it be the end of the story. It’s letting God not only be my Savior but my Lord. Lord, I pray for everyone today who reads this blog. I pray that You would show them the way to walk from glory to glory. I pray for their strength through trials. I pray that they know that they never walk alone. Jesus, I pray that You surround them with community, people who love them, and take them in the right timing and in the right way to the right places so that they could fulfill their calling and serve their ultimate purpose: being Your son or daughter. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
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