Dear God,
Thank You for giving me the opportunity to be in a relationship with You. Before church was just a time filler for Sunday mornings so that I could say I was a Christian. I didn’t know there was so much more -- to be a daughter of God. To walk through good times and bad, knowing my Father in heaven is watching over me and guiding my steps. I used to be alone and lonely. I used to be afraid. I used to be sick with selfishness and building my happiness. I used to fail and call that the end of the story. Lord, with You that is never where the story ends. With You there is fullness of life. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be: with You.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen
Intro: Having “I don’t care faith”
Picture 18 year old Grace (whoa), in her first optometry experience ever! She’s looking for something to study because apparently 18 year olds need to make a life-changing decision to major in something they want to do for the rest of their life. Yeah, I’m not allowed to drink but I can decide the career I want for the rest of my life now…?
I remember praying to God because I was growing in this desire to know God’s will for my life. I was curious what God had for me.
Guys, what God has for you isn’t just better than what you have for you. It’s the best. It’s not a nudge up. It’s another level. It’s also not about you when it’s God’s plan. It’s not going to be for the sole purpose of making you happy or rich or comfortable or popular or well-liked. Ask Jesus.
I didn’t know that -- and I’m still learning that. “God, I want Your will for my life…” as long as it matches mine, in the time frame I have, in the way that I can see is reasonable, and without any bumps in the road. I present my case to God why He should tell me His plans because I assume they’ll be “good” for me whatever good means to me.
I remember distinctly having this little thought of “maybe I should do this (question mark)”. God didn’t speak from the sky. Someone didn’t come to me and tell me prophetically to become an optometrist. No dreams about eyeballs in my future. I just prayed, asking God to lead, and I liked it enough to keep going. That’s faith too. Don’t discount the little things.
Almost a month ago, I made a personal and public commitment to post every Saturday no matter what on my blog because I’ve been pretty finicky. I’ve been posting when I feel like it. Not surprisingly, I have “when I feel like it” faith. I am obedient when I feel like it. I am prayerful when I feel like it. I am good when I feel like it. When God seems good to me. When God looks responsive.
I want “I don’t care” faith. What does “I don’t care” faith mean?
In the book of Daniel, there are these three friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are in big trouble with the King of Babylon. Their crime? Not bowing down and worshiping the King and his golden statue. You see, these three friends decided that they weren’t going to discount the little things.
They were going to be faithful in the little so when it came down to the big things, they wouldn’t bow. They didn’t make it a practice to bend over or kneel before anything or anyone that wasn’t God, and now they were going to be killed.
Following God’s will, is that what you would have dreamed of?
They had “I don’t care faith” as in I don’t care what you do to me, I don’t care what you think of me, I don’t care what everyone else is doing, I don’t care if God doesn’t do what I want Him to do because God is God and I’m going to follow Him. Even if it means I go into the fire. I don’t care because what I care about most is being committed to God -- not just in the happy, blessed, Promised land moments but in the little things. I’m committed to God even when I’m failing. I come back. I keep coming back. I’m failing as I come back.
I don’t feel guilty about coming back because that’s why Jesus came for me. I couldn’t do this on my own. Am I going to say my sin is greater than Jesus? Am I going to say that my failures are too much to compare to the cross? Am I going to turn my back on God because my dreams of what would’ve happened died?
So, is this what I dreamed of when I got into optometry school?
When I thought about becoming an eye doctor, I don’t think I had a vivid dream about what it would look like. I wanted to provide care and assistance to people with eye diseases…vaguely. I didn’t know what it would mean, and when I asked God, God said yes! I just didn’t know it until I was looking at my acceptance letter in September 2020.
When God says yes, there isn’t always a certainty about it. You don’t know it’s a yes until you get there, but God is preparing you for what it’ll take when you get there. If you know you’ll get in, you won’t work as hard as you need to, you won’t make those connections, and you won’t be as dependent on God to open doors and lead you.
So, God said yes when I asked, but I only found out four years later! God had big plans for me, I just wasn’t sure what I was asking for. I remember the pressure of school piling on me especially with the pandemic. Zoom learning is hard. I was a mindless zombie. I remember the pressure was piling because my class load was getting harder. If I had known all this stress would come when I asked to be an optometrist, I don’t know if I would’ve asked so enthusiastically.
I think I would’ve been more hesitant and wary. I might’ve asked for something else if God gave me a checklist from A to Z of what this route would take from me even if I knew all the good it would bring. It’s only when you’re experiencing the goodness of God’s plan coming to fruition in your life do you welcome the stress and struggles that need to come along with it.
I didn’t dream of this life. It’s stressful. I’m spending a lot of money. I am losing out on working for 4 years. My eyelid has started twitching because of how little sleep and how much coffee I’m inhaling per second.
I’m also really happy. I love the location of my school. I’ve met some of the sweetest, heartwarming friends and professors. I’m being challenged and rising to the occasion or failing and learning how to quiet myself in God’s fullness of joy. I’m growing so much in my relationship with God. I’ve had the chance to experience some really cool things and learn more about myself. I’ve expanded my blog.
It’s only been the first year, and it’s nothing like I thought it would be from the moment I stepped through the doors. It was a huge adjustment -- and it still is.
I know God can take me to the finish line, but even if He doesn’t take me through all 4 years of optometry school (who knows what can happen), I’m going to go through it with Him. I don’t care if this is nothing like I thought it would be because God had all of this in mind. This is God’s dream for me, at least that’s my hope and prayer, and if so, I will keep going. Each day. Each moment. Each stressful quiz or competency.
Dear God,
Though I am unqualified for what You have called me into, please prepare me along the way. I am not always willing, but help me to change that. I am not always ready to surrender, but help me to give up what I want for what You purpose. Change my dreams to be Your dreams. Help me by never allowing me to settle for less than Your best even if that means going into the fire.
Thank You for taking me apart and putting me back together.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen
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