Dear God,
Thank You for the beautiful life that I have. I woke up. I have breath in my lungs. I have a loving family. I have supportive friends. I have a calling and passion for optometry and writing. I have the opportunity to live out my faith. I am loved, chosen, and accepted by You everyday. I love You, God! You make each and every day spectacular.
In Jesus’ Name I pray,
Amen
Who Am I?
There may be seasons in my life where I question what God has in store for me. I wonder if I’m reaching into a mystery bag, and if I’ll ever pull out a poisonous snake or if God is punishing me for my sins, but I hold fast to the truth of the gospel. That through Jesus, my Lord and Savior, I am no longer condemned. I now have a relationship with God. I am adopted through Christ. I am a child of God.
In the Bible it says this:
I love asking God things. God made me a naturally curious person.
Why am I alive?
Why do I matter?
Why should I be good?
God has filled my soul with longing for these questions to be answered. I’m someone who pushes for what I want. I’m hungry. I have tasted what heaven feels like when I really came to know Jesus, and nothing else has ever compared.
I love God’s promise to me. His promise for my life is that if I ask God to find more of Him, then I will receive plenty. If I ask God for my needs, then He will provide in the best way. If I ask God to lead, then He will guide my steps on where to go.
A while ago, I wrote a blog post about closed doors. SInce then I have learned so much about myself, my life, my faith, and my God. I have had the opportunity to trust God with the greatest treasures in my heart. I have had to lay down, surrender, and sink so that I could swim.
Living in “Why”
“Why did this happen to me?” is a question I’m well acquainted with. I want to tell you that I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever know why anything, good or bad, ever happens. Why does the sun still shine? Why do evil people get richer and more powerful with time? Why do innocent children die?
Something God gave me the capacity to understand is that “why” is not the road to peace I think it is. I feel like a dog chasing its tail.
“If I only knew why, then I would feel better.” But even if I knew why something happened, it still happened. It still hurts me. I won’t take away the sting. It won’t wipe my tears. Yet, God knows why and He knows it’s for the best if I decided to trust my life to Him.
I think about Joseph, if you want to read his gnarly story it’s in Genesis 37-50. If you want a summary, it goes that Joseph is the favored son of a man named Jacob/Israel. He has a dream:
Nowhere does it say that Joseph knew that this was a dream from God. It doesn’t say that Joseph knew it would come true. Joseph just had a dream, and we might say he’s cocky or deserves a good wedgie -- but his brothers decided to kill him. They threw him into a pit, but one of his brothers has a moment of remorse and they all decide to sell him instead.
For Joseph and his dream, that must’ve felt like a closed door. I wonder what went on in his head for the next few decades. The thing about his dream is that he didn’t know God had given him that dream (from what we can read), so when you or I have dreams, it comforts me to know that we might be confused or not 1000000% confident that was exactly what God told us.
I think that space between knowing it was from God and using our God-given wisdom and understanding to say even if I don’t understand, God allowed it, so it must be used for my good. It doesn’t mean that ‘it’ was good, but it must now be used for my good.
What God Has For Me
Jeremiah 29:11 says “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” It’s a well-known Bible verse! It’s also preceded by:
God makes this promise for AFTER their 70 years in Babylon are up. Babylon is enslavement and captivity for God’s people. Babylon is not where they wanted to be. Where is your Babylon? Unable to find the right job? Unable to find the right person? Unable to save your marriage? Questioning your decision to be a mom?
Yes, God promised them and us the fulfillment of His good promise, but it was after trial and tribulation. It was not just a blanket statement. Sometimes I look at my life, and I say: “God, these plans are terrible if this is it. I’m not prospering. I’m harmed. I don’t feel hopeful. I don’t even know the future.”
But God’s promise comes in God’s timing.
God’s promise comes in God’s way.
God’s promise will come after your pain and suffering sometimes.
“But I don’t want that. I want the promise first.”
The Promise of Jesus
Jesus, Son of God, is alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. He has no one with Him but Satan. His friends have abandoned him for sleep. He is about to bear the burden of the sins of all of humanity.
When have you felt alone? Abandoned by people you trusted? Your only company is your enemy who hates you and wants you to fail? Jesus knows that feeling well. So, He -- in deep agony -- prays to God who can do all things. I need you to know that: God can do anything. God can change your parents. God can make them love you. God can get you that specific job and position. God could pay off those loans and debts. God could stop that shooting. God could cure their cancer.
Surrender is when you know that God can do all things but sometimes He chooses not to.
This Summer
This summer has been full of so much joy and celebration, and it’s honestly going by so fast. Before I know it, I’ll be in my second year of optometry school. There’s so much we can’t control: our families, friends, genetic makeup, accidents, school shootings, crimes, and even my own feelings.
But I take each day for what it’s worth, and I choose to see the doors God has opened for me. Doors of peace. Doors of openness. Doors of forgiveness and mercy. I choose to see and experience and walk through these doors by entering into God’s presence. That is what God has for me: open doors to Him.
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