Opening Prayer
Dear God,
I pray for each and every friend today that is living in regret. God, it is so hard to make the right choice even when the answer is so clear in front of us. Sometimes I feel so bogged down by the ways I fail You, but remind me of Your unfailing love. Grant me grace and mercy like a flood. Give me the understanding to know that when Jesus is in the picture, it’s never over. Lord, I love You so much, but thanks for loving me more.
Love,
Grace
Regrets
Sometimes I feel like a ball of mistakes. Even when I try, I end up flat on my face. I misstep and sometimes actually fall on my face. I say the wrong thing, at the wrong time, and to the wrong people. I waited way too long to reach out. I ended up missing that opportunity. I wasted that hour scrolling on social media. I should’ve brought my charger! All these mistakes and regrets can seem to plague my life.
I’m not a perfect person, and it’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s hard because I don’t like to think that the one thing I can control, me, is also subjected to my miscalculations, poor judgements, and ignorance. The world can feel so small as if racking up the debt against me.
Why am I talking about this?
I feel like I’m afraid to make the wrong choices. I can feel paralyzed by my own free will.
“What if I choose wrong?” is a question that keeps me up at night.
What if I should’ve tried harder? What if I should keep praying for that person to change? What if I was supposed to be with them? Should I have stayed here?
I want to make the right choices because it keeps me happy and safe. I think if I had to define anxiety it would be the worry that I won’t be happy or safe. I have to do everything in my power to make sure I’ll be okay.
Get the right education to find the right job.
Date the best guy to have a good marriage.
Eat the best meal so I don’t feel like I’m ruining my health.
It gets tiring to live like this: trying to minimize my regrets. You know why? It doesn’t work. Hard as I’ll ever try, I will always have regrets. There will always be a “what if” and no answer to follow. There will be times when I see the shiny surfaces of everyone’s lives as “better, happier, and brighter” than mine.
I even have food regrets when I order something that disappoints me. “I wish I got that instead now I’m stuck with this.”
That doesn’t mean I want to bow down, subservient to the fact that regrets are a normal part of life, and it doesn’t mean I will embrace my regrets either. Yes, things happen so we can learn, but sometimes they don’t need to happen in the first place. That’s wisdom.
The Solution
Romans 8:28 reads “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I imagine this. I imagine I’m searching through my life for ingredients, and I find:
The insecurity I had growing up feeling stupid and like I was a failure to my parents
The pain of being broken up with only to have my ex date my close friend
The fact that I’m stuck in patterns of sin
The pressure of finishing graduate school
The regret of rushing into situations I maybe should’ve never been in
I find all these things in my cupboard, but God somehow adds it into His recipe. His recipe is for the most delicious meal, and He doesn’t try to hide these ingredients. No, He highlights them. He makes sure everyone can see it, not to shame me, but to give me the chance to renew my perspective. That even my failures are used by God for my good. To make this delicious meal that serves others.
Others who know the same ingredients well. They find the same tragedies in their own life, but they see God makes it a masterpiece in mine. Something that’s warm and welcoming. Something that feeds and nourishes. That’s what God does with my ingredients. He makes good out of them. They weren’t good to begin with and they weren’t good on their own, but God took all these things and mixed it with His own heart, soul, and Being to make something beautiful.
So that when people see it, they can know that the same messed up ingredients in their life can be brought in and be made to bring glory to God. There’s something so mysterious about God’s recipe. It’s a family secret. How He takes what was meant to harm us and makes it for our good. How He takes all things and works it all out.
Yes, I have regrets, and when I surrender them into God’s hands then He can make something great! He can go beyond your wildest dreams, but He wants willingness on our part. God doesn’t want to snatch the regrets out of my hands, but He wants them to be placed into His. God is the master at bringing glory to Himself out of the worst situations.
So, to myself and others, I want to say that it’s okay if we make mistakes. Regrets will happen. Don’t live in fear of them happening, but know that God is working it out. He’s kneading the dough. He’s preheating that oven. He’s mixing the seasoning. He isn’t just doing it for you, but there are other people who need this too. They need to taste and see that the Lord is good, and they can see it when they see your life and story.
Closing Prayer
Dear God,
I think You know my biggest regret. You know how I ruminate over everything I did wrong when it came to that time in my life, but I willingly hand it over to You. I choose to trust You with the raw ingredients of my messed up, sin-riddled life and make something glorious. God, I choose to let go of the regrets that come my way. I choose to let You take over. I choose to not live in fear of messing up, but I will live in faith that my God will never let anything go to waste.
Love,
Grace
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