Dear God,
It’s not easy to balance school, studying, practicing, and a life beyond optometry -- but that’s why I’m asking for help. You know what I need. You know what’s best for me. You know what works and what doesn’t. I’m going to need some help, but it’s going to take some time, trial and error, and a lot of recalibrating. I might go the wrong way sometimes, but You’re going to make sure it all turns out for the best. That’s just who You are. Thanks!
Love,
Grace
Longer Days Shorter Fuse
Something I realized about myself is that with less time and energy comes less patience and less happy Grace. I realize how dependent my feelings are based on my situation. I’m trying to have hope based joy so that even if things don’t go my way, I’ll be able to stay calm, not freak out, and feel at ease that my life isn’t going to be ruined because of normal, everyday mistakes.
I think planning for my longer days also means being more judicious with how I’m spending my time in class and commuting. It’s hard to explain, but it’s so important to be able to not waste time anymore. If I’m going to be in class, I need to be actively learning and absorbing or I need to take that time instead to study and rewatch it when I’m in a better state of mind. There isn’t one golden answer. Some days I’m mentally fatigued and being in school isn’t going to make me absorb what’s happening any better. Other days I’m ready to learn and excited to be present and proactive in class. It’s hard to know when I can push myself and when I need to step back.
It’s Easier in Some Ways
The transition into first year was tough. I definitely didn’t know how I wanted to study, when was it best for me to study, and how to allocate my time. I felt like I was rewatching lectures repeatedly without actively retaining. I also felt like there was so much to take in and never enough space in my brain to store all this information.
I’m thankful for my classmates, tutors, professors, my family, and God for getting me through the first year. It’s funny how what seems like our greatest battle is actually just another victory in the works looking back. I’m glad I have a better understanding of myself, but with the new scheduling, classes, and demands I find myself feeling the same questioning: can I do this?
I don’t know, I pray that I will and that as I do what only I can do that God will do what only He can do!
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