Dear God,
Thank You for showing me that You know best.
Love,
Grace
“I wish I didn’t do that.”
Any mistake I made and all self-inflicted pain comes with this very thought.
I wish I didn’t do that, what if I messed everything up?
Hindsight is 20/20. Of course, if I knew how that situation ended I would’ve never done action XYZ in the first place. But maybe I would’ve. Maybe some lessons God wants us to learn simply through obedience, and some we don’t learn until we’re stuck in a mess of our own doing. I mean there’s always outside factors at play, but there’s parts that are just on us and those parts can be the most difficult to deal with.
It’s one thing to know someone else caused you trouble. It’s another when you are the co-conspirator against your own peace, joy, and happiness and that of others. Dealing with regret lately, I know God can redeem everything, but it’s hard. I wish I had made a better choice before. I wish things were different…I wish I was different.
Question: What is the antidote to the poison of regret when you…
Forget that important deadline or plan?
Miscalculate the cost on something and you’ve already invested too much time/money/energy?
Feel like you made the wrong choice?
Missed that opportunity because you were scared?
Didn’t try hard enough but you knew if you had maybe you would’ve gotten what you wanted?
Wasted too much time with the wrong person?
Moved and you hate it here?
Genesis 50:20 reads, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Bolded. Highlighted. Underlined! Now.
I can’t change what happened.
Joseph, speaker of Genesis 50:20, has been through a lot. Thrown in a pit by his brothers. Sold into slavery. Working as a servant of a powerful man. Being accused of sexual assult by said powerful man’s wife. Thrown into prison. Forgotten by people he helped. Finally, he’s in a seat of power and prestige when he comes face to face with the people who had been the original source of his misery. The very people he calls family, and what he says to them in response to 22 years he can never get back is: “God is using it now for something good.”
Joseph can’t take back what happened. None of us can. I can’t go back and redo the last year. I don’t have another chance for the moments where I messed up. When I focus on my regrets, I am thinking about everything I can’t change. The past is gone, and all I have is “now”.
Now, what will I do? Now, who will I trust?
Now, will I choose what looks best or what is best?
Now do I trust my own understanding again or do I trust God’s ways?
God gives us the power of now because what God is doing now is good. That’s something I can control. That’s something I can mold and shape. My now. I don’t have to be grateful for my suffering, but I can be grateful that now it is being used for good. Joseph isn’t dwelling on his brothers’ faults, his experiences in that pit, the time in jail, or even his position of power over his perpetrators. Joseph is thinking about how right now God is good for him, through him, and for others.
I’m sure he made mistakes along the way. I’m sure he wondered if he should’ve kept his mouth shut about his dreams. I wonder if he felt like he should’ve just submitted to his flesh and temptation. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be here. Maybe things would’ve been better?
God’s grace over our mistakes
When God looks at the big oopsie that is the sum total of our lives and choices, how can we know that there’s grace for that? When we look at the story of Abraham and Sarah, we see that they had made a mistake. God had promised them a son, and it took 25 years to come to pass. In between those long, tortuous years, they had decided that God needed their help. (Spoiler: He doesn’t!)
Honestly, I don’t blame them for their impatience. I don’t look down on them at all. I can’t imagine waiting 25 years, longer than I’ve been alive, for a promise from God and not feeling doubtful or restless. So, they decided to have Hagar, Sarah’s servant, sleep with Abraham to produce their heir.
The mistakes we make can involve others. It can give birth to something that was never supposed to exist. Every day we fail to follow God’s prescribed will for our lives. Plan B? God doesn’t have a back up plan. Back up plans are for unprepared disasters or uncalculated delays. The GPS doesn’t need to re-route.
You are right on time. You are now exactly where God - but maybe not you yourself - wants you to be. You are in the “now” God wants you to experience. You didn’t mess up too badly. You didn’t somehow surprise God in any way. God doesn’t need to flood the earth (again).
Because when Hagar had her son Ishmael, he wasn’t the promise, but God provided. He wasn’t what God wanted for Sarah and Abraham or even Hagar, but God took care of this child birthed out of their humanity, their brokenness, and their impatience. God made him a great nation too! God loved him too. God provided for him too.
God doesn’t pretend like my mistakes didn’t happen. It’s not swept away under the rug. God still comes through on His promises in Issac, but He makes provision for Ishmael. God’s plan has a lifetime warranty policy! God’s plan has already included what happened. God already has you covered.
“I wish that didn’t happen” but it did. You did have to grow up on your own. You did have to deal with that problem by yourself. They did let you down. You let them down too. You’re in a tough spot because of your choices? You’re stuck because of someone else’s decision? What a mess. Yet, what happened is not the end of the story, because what is now being done isn’t just “better” or “the back up”. It is exactly what is being used for what God intends for good.
God Knows the Power of Now
Many people know Noah’s ark! It’s about how Noah, his family, and a ragtag team of whatever animals he collected on the earth all climb into a boat before God flooded the earth.
Question: Why did God want to flood the earth?
In Genesis 6, it reads:
God is no stranger to regret. God didn’t make a mistake, but He wished things were different. Wished His children didn’t hurt themselves, each other, and Him. Wished that the world wasn’t such an ugly, corrupt place. Sometimes, my friends and I will ask why God allows evil, but if I wanted an evil-free world then I wouldn’t exist in it.
God’s regrets could have ended with a flood that ended that entirety of humanity, but God chose the power of now. The power with taking the broken and making something beautiful. The power of pouring again!
When God looked and chose Noah, Noah was a nice guy I’m sure -- named righteous by God -- but he was not perfect. He was the best guy God had for what He planned to do now. Now that things had gone sour. Now that people were so wicked. God could've dwelled in what happened last time He let humans roam the earth.
When God let Noah and his family live, God was choosing to be vulnerable again. God was choosing love again. God was opening His big, softie heart to pain again. The power of now is never saying I won’t be hurt again. It’s not avoiding pain or grief or loss. It’s not saying “it’s okay”. It’s saying, “I will choose love over everything. I will choose God above my past. I will choose God now.”
You may hear that and be saying,
“But…
I haven’t been to church in a long time
I made a huge mistake
I have so many regrets
I got really hurt
I was abandoned too many times
I’m in a lot of pain
I’m living a shameful life
I don’t trust God after what happened
Christians especially have hurt me
Church is not safe for me
Whatever your ‘but’ is…”
I want you to know that those things are not irrelevant or stupid to God. Your pain is important. Your feelings and experiences matter. Your trust issues are not unfounded. You are allowed to be upset at them, at God, and maybe at yourself.
It’s not an overnight process. I wish it was (believe me), but all I can say for myself is that while dealing with all those things and more, while still needing more processing and healing, I can choose my now with God.
I can choose to believe that:
I can have faith in God to fulfill all His good plans for me for His purpose and glory because: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
That I am no longer ignorant to my sins, my flaws, and my enslavement to my flesh. I can live in my present identity: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” Ephesians 5:8
I am not stuck. I am not trapped. I am not bound to anything or anyone anymore. “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17
Jesus’ death gives us back our “now”: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2
Who I was. What I did to them. What they did to me. What happened. What didn’t happen. What should’ve happened. What might’ve happened. All of that is but a shadow in the glory of what God is doing now. Even if you stop believing in what God will do, even if you try to cut the line, God will do what He needs to do. God will do what it takes. God will not stop believing in the power of now for you in spite of your disbelief, he's done it for mine every time.
Dear God,
No matter where I’m at, remind me of the power of now. The power You gave me. The power that it takes to break free from our past and live with You in the present. Give me eyes to see what You’re doing. I want to experience a way when there was no way. I want a way in the wilderness. I want what You have for me now.
Love,
Grace
Songs!
God Turn It Around (feat. Jon Reddick) | Church of the City
Tenth Avenue North - Greater Than All My Regrets
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