Dear God,
Whatever happens now, it’s all up to You. You’re the One who comes through for us. You are our shining star. You go before me and behind me. You watch me as I go and come home. You know my struggles. You know my needs. You know my wants. You know my shortcomings and strengths. I’m sorry for the ways I fall short, but I want to be reminded that You’re still molding me into who I need to be. The troubles now are nothing compared to the surpassing glory ahead.
Love,
Grace
Monday
Rise and shine! I get to school bright and early Monday because I start with the Clinical Optometry lab. This week I’ll be sitting as patient as my partner practices BIO on me. I got to know my supervising doctor, and it’s amazing how well they can guide and manage us. I feel myself becoming a better future doctor while in their presence.
After I have Clinical Optometry lecturing where I realize that my first patient will be at the end of March. It’s scary and exhilarating. I immediately messaged the person I have in mind for my first patient, and I hope that my other friends also come see me for their vision care!
Then we have our Clinical Med course online with a guest lecturer, an oncologist in Canada, before we have our doctor come in and tell us the clinical manifestations of cancer in the eyes. I was reminded that we have the chance to diagnose, treat, and co-manage cancer in our patients. It really did make me feel the weight of being a doctor.
You have a real-life person in front of you, they might have come in for a routine eye exam or new glasses, but you have the opportunity to change their life every time you have clinics. I’m not sure how we can get there, but slowly and surely it’ll happen.
Tuesday
I end up in the simulator room to do BIO, and before I know it lunch rolls around for me to have lunch with my wonderful peer mentor. She tells us the ins-and-outs of classes, how to survive Ocular Disease, and honestly gives me the confidence boost I need to survive this hellish semester.
Ocular Pharmacology with Dr. Adamcyzk is adorable. She even makes charts for us. Pharm is so important because it reminds me of how interdisciplinary optometry is. I have to make sure my patient’s other medications whether they’re diabetic, hypertensive, psychotic, depressed, pregnant, or all of the above can coexist with the medication being prescribed. Another very eye-opening (intended) reminder of the weight of my role as a future provider.
My amazing friend Alicia allows me to practice BIO on her dilated eyes, and then we end up studying for our Abnormalities of the Visual Sensorimotor Function (AVSF) quiz tomorrow. We practice how to test for saccades and pursuits along with reading eye-movement testing.
After that our school hosts a game night where we end up playing Organ Attack, a really fun game where you protect your “organs” and attack other people’s organs with different diseases. I’m reminded that having fun is part of school not a separate, distinct entity apart from school. School is where so many of my lifelong friends are made. School is where I’ll learn and grow the most.
School life means life where I’m not worried about taxes, my boss, my coworkers, patients, paying off loans, marriage, or children. I can just focus on my self-development during this season of my life! It’s a time I’ll never get back, and moments like these help me to remember that there is joy in every season.
Wednesday
In AVSF lab, I’m reminded that everything I learned before comes back to haunt me. Your patient sees double down and out, what’s their problem? Your patient is a 5th grader who reads a 5th grade level passage at a 3rd grade level and a 3rd grade level passage at a 3rd grade level, is their issue with reading or with their vision or both?
Then I have my contact lens lab, and I learn how to insert soft contact lenses into my patient’s eyes and properly remove them. Having your fingers near your eyes is not always a pleasant experience, but it’s part of the job: insertion and removal. I also learn how to teach my patient how to insert and remove the lens on their own.
My first lecture on Wednesday is taught by Dr. Dul who is such an amazing teacher, professor, and speaker. He keeps us engaged every moment with his stories and simple fact-of-life points. You can really tell that he loves what he does, and all my professors love what they do and they’re good at it. I’m amazed by how bright the minds I get to be taught by are, and it’s honestly even better when they’re as funny as him.
After, I have my first contact lens lecture, and it’s amazing how this little piece of plastic can allow us to see! I’ve been thinking about specializing in contacts in the future, and this class will really allow me to explore that interest.
I end the day with an Integrative Seminar where we integrate everything we learn into the clinic setting. Today’s lecture is on ethics, and we end up discussing if our patient is wheelchair bound but their mother has trouble lifting them out of the bathroom, if our patient requests not to see an Asian doctor -- but we’re Asian, if our patient is on psychotic medication that’s causing them cataracts and they remove themselves off the medications before proceeding to verbally threaten us, and all the different situations we could find ourselves in.
I was reminded that healthcare professional abuse happens! And that I should never feel unsafe around my patient. That we’re not just punching bags for a patient’s bad day. As doctors we have personal agency too!
Then I do some simulator work with Cindy (hi Cindy!!) before we go home together. We’re kinda mind fogged by nearly 4.5 hours of class and 3 hours of lab plus the heavy headset weight lingering on our necks, but some of my favorite memories are going home with my friends! I tell myself I’ll take up Cindy’s offer to join her at her church’s small group someday…we’ll have to see if I make good on that.
Thursday
I have an Integrative Seminar Small Group where we talk about our clinic experiences, and since it’s our first day back Dr. Lowe had us play get-to-know-you yes or no question games! My question is if I could go anywhere in the world where would I go? I explain my dream to get beignets in New Orleans like they had in the Princess and the Frog movie, and we learn more about each other. The class ends after we review our Electronic Health Record (EHR) system which lags like crazy and is not intuitive at all.
Then, I have Ocular Disease again where we learn how to treat corneal abrasions. After, we end the long day with an AVSF lecture. We learned about vision and learning and oculomotor dysfunction.
I thought about how nice it would be to tell a parent and their child that their learning issues could be alleviated by getting help for their vision or the right pair of glasses. Something that gives a child the confidence to learn and see. I can’t imagine my school life without my glasses, and my eye doctor was a pivotal part of that. I hope that I can be part of a child’s journey and academic success one day!
Friday
Fridays I don’t have a lab which technically means I don’t have to come to school, but I promise Serena (let me know when you see this part Serena) I’ll come in and practice with her. It’s partly to push me because I should really be preparing for my final competencies. We practice external testing and ocular health, and head to our second contact lens lecture of the week.
It’s honestly a chill class, so I spend most of my time just listening and learning about the world of contact lenses before I take the train home with Serena. I usually end up going to Target on Fridays to do grocery shopping for the week, and I actually love it. It’s so soothing to be there, it’s a respite from a crazy week.
I go home, and I don’t study. Just relax. This is how my Friday gets to be at least on the first week back!
Saturday and Sunday
Saturday I get to myself, and I ended up doing work for AVSF. I could’ve done more for other lectures, but I’m honestly proud of getting any work done. I plan out a trip to go to a conference later this year, getting funding, and thinking about how to manage my time.
Sunday, tomorrow, I’ll be going to my wonderful church and seeing my friends. I feel really at home now, and I have a crazy, wonderful life in the best city in the world. God is by my side. I have the most amazing, supportive family. I have friends that I love, admire, and respect. I have a job I really love and feel inspired by. I’m in my 20s. Life is not perfect, actually right now there’s a lot of tears and struggles, but I’m marking them as moments of trials in faith.
These weeks will pass by, and I’ll miss these moments. But right now, I can just enjoy where I am and where I’m going.
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