Dear God,
Spring makes me so happy I could almost cry (from my itchy eyes). I’m so glad to see the cherry blossoms and go home when it’s bright and warm. Sneezing every few minutes is a small cost to see the blossoming flowers and trees. I’m glad to be here. I really am. I’m thankful to be loved. I’m thankful to be thriving (tentative) in school. I’m thankful to be in the best city in the world, around the best people, and living day to day in Your love. It’s not easy, but I’m happy here.
Love,
Grace
A: Allergies
My allergies are a first-world problem if you ask me. The world around me has been so clean, so industrialized and sanitized that my body is looking for some evil pathogen to overreact to. It decided that pollen is public enemy #1 for me, so every spring I sneeze, I sniffle, and I take an antihistamine as part of my morning routine.
I think with every new season we can see the good and the bad. It’s all about perspective. My best friend, Liz, reminds me of that lately. I can focus on the allergies or the fact that flowers are blossoming. Pollen that feeds baby bees! I don’t love it, especially when we’re just rearing our heads around COVID, but I’m learning to see the good in everything.
That the spring I love comes with a cost! A few sneezes and a packet of tissues, but it’s a worthy cost to enjoy the warmth. A new season is here for me and you. I love that New York reminds me of that.
B: (New) Beginnings
When we step out of the wilderness seasons we’re in, it’s a bit scary honestly. Because it takes being vulnerable and having faith, not that everything will work out, but that God will give you the strength to deal with anything that comes your way.
I’ve been asking myself this question: is it more faithful to go back to a difficult situation and try again or is it more faithful to go into the unknown and see what God does?
It’s funny because the answer is both and neither. Somehow, there isn’t one clear cut answer to ‘more faithful’ because it’s such a personal experience.
Better to Go Forward
In Genesis 12, we see Abraham, father of faith, be called by God to go out into the unknown.
In this case, God had told Abram (later Abraham) to leave what he knew and be shown the new land he would inherit. He didn’t know how long, where, or how this would happen, but he left in faith. However, to say that God always tells us to go to the unknown isn’t true. God’s relationship and guidance for each person is so unique and individualized.
One person being called to leave their job to pursue ministry does not mean you are called to do the same. One person being called to go from stay at home mom to the workforce does not mean the same message is for you. And vice versa for the aforementioned scenario. We can’t make a blanket statement for God’s plan for your life.
The Bible describes what happened to people of faith, but it doesn’t say for every person of faith this is what God desires for them to follow out.
Better to Go Back
In Ruth 1, Naomi is a woman who loses her husband and two sons while living in the foreign land of Moab. She’s not going back to her home country because God told her to go back, but she goes because there’s nothing left for her in Moab.
She’s an old widow, and no one is going to be marrying her anytime soon. She goes because it’s either stay and die in Moab or go back home to Bethlehem. For her, it was a matter of life or death. We can say she was called to go home, but in a way she was forced to go back because of her life’s circumstances.
However, God allowed this all just as much as He directed Abraham to leave. In these two instances, we see that a new beginning can look so different for each person. It wasn’t more faithful for Naomi to go back home and it wasn’t more faithful for Abraham to go away from home. It was faithful unto itself. It was faithful to the prescription of that person.
If your mom is telling you to do the laundry and your sibling to wash the dishes, it’s not more faithful for you to go do the dishes instead when you were supposed to do the laundry. It’s faithful for you to do what you were told to do. “Well, the laundry is so much more work. We didn’t even have that many dishes tonight.”
It’s easier to compare our lives to others. It’s easy to say it was easy for the other person to make that decision versus our decision, but not only is that unknown and incomparable but it’s just not helpful. You were still told to do the laundry. Nothing changed about that even as you grumble. I don’t know why God tells one person to stay and another to go, but I know that while God’s plans may vary from person to person it’s always God’s best for us as the ultimate outcome. God’s best comes with obedience.
Plan B
Is there a second best option when it comes to God?
I think that’s another question I had. What if choice A is too hard? It’s too hard to leave the job I’ve found comfort and security in. It’s too hard to stay in a relationship where I have to forgive daily. It’s too hard to say ‘yes’ to the path I feel like God is pushing me towards, and I ask myself what’s the alternative? Is God’s best like a buffet table of options?
I find comfort and questions in the story of Jonah.
Jonah is a prophet called to preach go to the city of Nineveh. He’s supposed to tell his greatest enemies that if they don’t repent God will destroy them and their city, but he doesn’t go. Actually he not only refuses to obey, but he heads the opposite direction of Nineveh. He doesn’t want to tell them they’re in trouble because he doesn’t think it’s fair for God to give them a second chance. Just let them burn. Why should they even have the opportunity to receive forgiveness?
I found this map approximate. So Nineveh is (East? West? North? South? uhh…) to the right, and Jonah books a ticket to Tarshish (left). Wow, it’s one thing to say no and be passive. It’s another to say no and actively run the other way.
So, just like before: I don’t think that every time you or I disobey or run from God’s plans, that God will bring you back to your Nineveh. Because Jonah’s story is what happened, not what you should attempt to do.
But God isn’t going to let a rogue soldier stop His plans. I pause to say this: Why didn’t God just choose someone else? Why choose someone who said no already? Why choose the ‘no’? I’m sure there’s got to be one person willing to listen the 1st time? Why Jonah?
Why us? Why does God give us, like Nineveh, the second chance we don’t deserve? Cause He wants to. That’s all. That’s a complete sentence. God wants to give you a second chance. The word ‘deserve’ doesn’t apply anymore. He wanted it to be Jonah, and I think that Jonah had to be the one because he needed to be freed from his unforgiveness. Jonah needed to hear the message that God saves whoever and whenever He wants to. That God is allowed to be unfair by forgiving us as much or as little as much as He wants to. Jonah needed the second chance as much as they did.
God is willing to bring you back into His best plans for you, but I don’t think that means He always will. “But Grace, does God love us? Doesn’t He leave the 99 for the 1?” Yes, of course. God loves you. God will always be searching for a way to be close to you, but you are an autonomous human being. You have the will and right to walk away from Him and His plans.
I think one of the meanings of Jonah can be: you can run, God will give you second chances, but ultimately you are the one who gets to decide if you’ll keep running to Tarshish or go to Nineveh.
The second chance for Plan A:
God tells Jonah again what He wants him to do. What He’s commanding Jonah to do, and Jonah obeys this time. Jonah chooses to take the gracious opportunity God is giving him to do the right thing. God is the one who opens and closes the doors in our lives. So, as long as He wants to keep the door open, He will and whenever He wants to close a door, nothing will open it again.
So, Jonah comes to the end of himself to follow God, not his own understanding.
He didn’t do it at first. Neither do we. So many times, I’ve failed the first, second, third, and countless chances God gives me. As long as it takes, God comes and gives us the word again.
When Jonah obeys, he’s not happy actually. I really think that’s pivotal to the story. Jonah’s heart was still bitter after obedience.
He wants to die now.
One would think that Jonah would be overflowing with joy, I mean didn’t he do what God said? Why doesn’t he feel over the moon? Sometimes faith comes without the feelings, and you can obey God and feel terrible because your actions changed but your heart stayed the same.
It’s funny because Jonah is mad that God doesn’t destroy Nineveh and gives them a second chance, but the very thing he hates about God is what God shows to him. Jonah, grumpy and maybe still drying off from his sea adventures, sits under a shelter he made for himself. It’s blazing hot, like it’s been in NYC these days, and God has a leafy plant grow and provide him extra shade. Jonah’s happy to sit under the leaf, and it makes me think of how we’re happy to sit in God’s grace for ourselves but not happy to see God’s grace shading others.
Later, God also sends a worm to eat the plant and sends a scorching dust of wind to Jonah which makes him mad again. So mad he would rather die! And God asks if he has the right to be mad. I wonder if God asks me that, “Do I have the right to be jealous? Mad? Unforgiving? Selfish? Because God gave them a blessing I wanted. Because God gave them something I don’t think they deserve. Because God did what He wanted to do.”
So, all this to say: God wants you to be part of Plan A. I don’t want to actively disobey and find out if God will provide a big fish to bring me back to Plan A. Of course, it’s easier said than done. Obedience is not for the faint of heart. It strips you of comfort. It takes away the throne you sat on and places Jesus in His rightful place as the ultimate judge.
Sometimes, God will let the fish eat you and not spit you out. Sometimes, God won’t send a storm on your way to Tarshish. Sometimes, God lets you go because He knows that to force you to stay faithful is not the kind of love He wants.
Romans 1:
I’d like to think God knew Jonah needed the second chance to say “yes”, so He was willing and gracious enough to give it to him. But sometimes, no matter how many chances God gives you, He knows you’ll find another excuse, another reason, and another way to say “no” so He lets you go.
Only you know if you’ll ever be willing.
C: Being Content
Content is a word I’ve been in an ongoing war with because I’m someone who always wants more out of life. I don’t just want to survive. But then, wanting more has the double edge sword of not appreciating what you do have and feeling like it’s not enough.
I’m very happy with my life, but I wonder if I could be happier if I was working instead for example. I see my friends get paychecks, and I’m taking out loans. I worry about studying when they’re enjoying life beyond work. I’m not always content because of this desire for more. The other side always looks greener.
Yet, there’s different problems I’ll have to experience. Taxes, difficult patients, coworkers, insurance companies, bosses, and even if I start my own business that has its own troubles. I think taking each season as it comes means enjoying it for what it is now, and we don’t know the blessings we had until they’re gone sometimes.
I’m learning to count the promised good today, not the potential good of tomorrow.
I see that the beauty in being content is freedom. To say that what I have is good in itself, not better than the past or better than the future, it’s just good. Springtime is time for being content with my life. As good as what’s next is, it’ll never have everything I want. That’s the way it works, and I can’t place my hope on something so fleeting.
I’m learning to place my hope in God, in eternity, and looking to celebrate now all the good things He’s done.
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