Dear God,
We both know this was a long time coming. Well, You knew more than me. I think community has meant different things in different seasons to me, and I used to think community was like the cherry on top of an already pristine cupcake. I realize now that community is necessary to my life. I can’t experience my real life without it. Beyond friendship building, there is purpose! I’m nervous for this season, but it’s good that I’m here. Thank You for this new journey we go through together.
Love,
Grace
I was a senior in college last time I was deeply rooted in a Christian community, and it was the place where I really transformed my life and relationship with myself, others, and Jesus. I grew into my own personhood through ministry.
I had to grapple with many of my insecurities in my community. The desire to be seen as a good Christian plagued me. I didn’t always feel understood. I saw how broken the body of Christ really is, and I saw how Christ knows, sees, loves, and redeems that brokenness.
Community isn’t a season of our lives though, it’s an ongoing decision to be attached. To be involved in our mess and the mess other people make. It’s deciding that being alone might seem easier, but it’s really being within a community where living begins.
I had a lot of my doubts about joining a community group, then I came across the question beyond if: which one?
Location, demographic, day? The logistics weighed on me because what if the one I joined wasn’t the best one for me? What if I chose wrong? What did wrong even look like?
I think I had to sit with myself for a while, but the thing about life is that you don’t have forever to choose! I decided to apply with all the logistics I had in mind, and I prayed that God would lead the rest of the way. The Lord has never failed to guide me, and He hasn’t decided to start now.
I think the best thing about community is intimacy. To know and be known. To love and be loved. To hear and be heard. What is a call without its response?
In the past I’ve written blogs about my college community and transitioning out of it as I got to graduate school. It was difficult because I was taken out of the safety of my fellowship, and now I had to find out who I was outside of it. Now, I’m finding myself back inside my community.
It took a while for me to make this choice. In my first year of school, I was still making a choice on where to go to church. Then my second year, I decided that maintaining my weekly attendance and showing up consistently would be my goal. Then my third year, this year, I decided it was time to take the risk and be in a community group.
I love the concept of “the next faithful choice”. It’s as simple as it sounds: doing the next faithful thing you can do. It’s because it stops you from dwelling in the past. What happened has happened. It also stops me from diving headfirst into a murky future. It helps me decide what I should do now. Within all my feasible options, I can make my next faithful choice. Mine was just to go to my first meeting.
Expectations
I’m not sure of the balance of expectations I should have, but I know that God always surprises me. It’s what He does. I also know it’s not going to look the same as the last season. It’s different people, different churches, and it’s a different me.
What comforts me is knowing it’s the same God we all came to know, love, and now we’re part of this family. What brings us together isn’t a hobby or interest. It’s the irresistible grace of God. It’s the unrelenting love and passion He has for us that made us want to respond.
Being in this environment isn’t easy. No one is forced to be here, and we could all be studying, working, resting, or be anywhere else in New York City. We choose to sacrifice that to be part of something beyond ourselves and our little bubbles of comfort. We chose to seek after glory that isn’t our own.
I don’t know where this year of CG will lead me. It’s hard to say? I can’t predict that. I can only do my best to show up and hold my hands out for what God wants me to receive and what God wants me to give. It’s easy to come to a community looking to take, and I do think it’s healthy in certain seasons just to receive. Sometimes we need to relearn how to just receive too!
Babies, for example, need to receive care, nutrition, and attention. They’re not meant to care or reciprocate for others. But as they grow up they can begin to take care of their younger siblings. They can help around the house. As they grow up, they become people who can care for their community.
I’m still a baby in many ways, but I’m growing up and learning what it means to be part of God’s family. Being present-minded is my goal. It’s easy to get bogged down by the past or the future. I’m learning what it means to be here where God has me. Even if I try to guess where this next year will take me, I honestly don’t have a clue. It’s better for me to just enjoy the journey and appreciate what’s happening now.
I’m excited for what God has for me/you/us. I never thought I would be where I am now, and I’m glad I didn’t know until I got here. In the midst of my hectic life, I find the blessing of walking alongside others to be even sweeter.
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