Introduction
Hi, everyone! You may be a long time reader or a new classmate, soon to be friend, and I just wanted to do a little self introduction. For our orientation, we all got to share a fun fact about ourselves: mine was that I started a blog in the pandemic and have continued to post every Friday since! It’s called “You Loved First” in which the “You” is God, simply put.
My life and this blog are a response to God’s initiation to love us and His invitation for anyone and everyone to reciprocate that love! I’m not a Christian because my parents brought me to church or because I like to wake up early every Sunday and go to church. I’m a Christian because once I was lost, I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know why I was alive, what purpose I had, or what meaning all the suffering I was going through even meant.
I had a good family, good health, good grades, good friends, a relationship, and a good future ahead of me -- and I’m thankful for those privileges and gifts -- but in the end, I still felt empty. I only lived because that’s what everyone else did, and even when I was enjoying my life, I always felt like something was missing. So, I kept trying harder because maybe my efforts could bring me a sense of wholeness or relief, but it either alleviated the misery out of distraction or made things like my anxiety a lot worse.
I knew about Jesus, believed in Him even, but I never had a personal relationship with Him. I didn’t know there was more to life than what everyone else around me knew. Something that lasted forever. A love that has no limits and no expectations to jump through! Since then, I have newfound hope, joy, peace, and love. I still struggle through moments of doubts and difficult times, I’m still a really broken and sinful person, but I know God doesn’t give up on me and helps me to become this extraordinary person I didn’t even dream I could become!
So, my name is Grace! I’ll be starting my journey of optometry school this very Monday, along with my cohort of 100 classmates. On this blog, I talk about my life reflections, the political climate of the world, books I read, driving anxieties, finances, going on missions during a pandemic, and so many more topics! All of these topics are centered around my faith because that’s the lens I view my life through. This is my newest series revolving around my time at optometry school.
I’m sure there will be moments of suffering, highs and lows, conflict, prayers, hopes, dreams, and learning moments along the way. I hope and pray that this series would serve as a blessing for you to know that God is with you just as much as He is with me, that you are not alone in your feelings and experiences, that your experiences big or small matter, and that you not only matter but you have a meaningful and purpose-filled life!
Why Optometry?
War flashbacks to my zoom interview…
There’s honestly dozens of reasons why! Great work-life balance, high quality of life, the debt repayment rate is great, it’s a respected job, challenging, it improves the lives of others immensely, you get to learn and grow a lot, and you can serve a growing need that is universally in demand: eye care!
For me, optometry is a calling I have to fulfill my purpose!
A calling...my purpose…? Very abstract terms!
My purpose in my life is to be with God, to know Him and love Him more and more, and that happens when I’m put in situations that push me in my faith. In college, there were moments I couldn’t do anything else besides trust in God for the results of my tests, classes, and eventually my admissions to grad school. When my grandpa passed away, I got to understand the compassion and comfort of God in new, profound ways. When I served as a small group leader, there was nothing I could do but trust God to lead me and my small group together.
My callings are the places God ‘calls’ me to in order to fulfill that purpose until it is completed. I was called to serve at my college ministry for three years as a small group leader, and after a lot of prayer and discernment, my calling now is at optometry school! It’s fun, exciting, and nerve-wracking. It takes me out of a lot of control and constantly humbles me because -- because I’m not naturally gifted in science and math, I have social anxiety, and I have the worst hand-eye coordination (read: can’t even open my locker) -- and I can’t control a lot of the factors like professors, my classmates, and external/internal circumstances.
I am constantly experiencing God in new ways even before I entered school, and it’s already a rollercoaster ride. It’s my big picture that I need to remind myself of throughout my day and throughout school. It’s my big reason: loving God and loving others is the goal that I strive towards everyday. Some days I’m going to fail terribly. I’m going to be cranky, rude, insensitive, spiteful, lazy, impatient, and give myself over to the human part of me that is just plain selfish. It’s not just about doing better the next moment or the next day, it’s the fact that God is constantly transforming me to make me more like Jesus who is perfectly kind, perfectly loving, perfectly just and truthful, and perfectly whole. It's that God never gives up on me, even when I've thrown in the towel: God fights for me to be the person He created me to be.
My Training Begins
Do you guys watch anime? Well, I don’t but -- there’s always this cool training arc -- where the main lead is training to fight their greatest rival. They get a bucket of water poured over their heads as an alarm, balance books on their head while dodging flying arrows or something equally ridiculous, and get their butt kicked a few dozen times. It’s usually a scene accompanied by some ‘Eye of the Tiger’-esque music in the background, and the lead usually ends up battered, bruised, and black-and-blue in the eye.
Then, their elderly master teacher in the special martial arts tells them they’re finally ready to face their foe before passing away...yeah, all this to say, I’m starting this grueling training arc of my school life. Waking up at 6 AM, commuting back and forth each day, spending 8-4 in class only to go home, eat, and study - rinse and repeat - sounds insane to me. I feel insane to try to live this life. I battle these vicious thoughts in myself everyday to give up or to continue with a defeatist mentality. It’s not just giving myself daily affirmations, but it’s holding onto the promise of God that is already fulfilled in Jesus.
I’m filled with doubts. It’s hard to imagine I won’t burn out or end up hating my life honestly. Maybe I should just go into the work field like most post-college people. Again, I need to draw back into my purpose that is found in my calling here before I spiral and kick myself out of my destiny. Honestly, I don’t know if life is supposed to be easy. I’m not sure where the line of “this is too hard - God wouldn’t want me to suffer” and “God’s will was for Jesus to die on the cross so that we would benefit” has its distinction. It’s knowing that life is not meant to be easy or comfortable, but in the difficult soil bears the greatest fruits. It’s also knowing that God didn’t call me to die for everything in my life like my hobbies, seeing friends, and going to church. I think it’ll just look different this season. It’s not better or worse. God’s purpose is always the same, but how I live it out changes. I’ll need to pray over that too!
Winning the Prize
24 “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. 27 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Material drawn from: What does 1 Corinthians 9:24 mean?
The Olympics are over! Gold, silver, and bronze medals are passed around to only the best competitors. What can we learn from all of this?
In verse 9-10, it talks about runners in a race, and we know that only one person who gets the prize is the winner. Paul, a disciple of Jesus, is encouraging Christians to run in a way that will get first place: with desire to win, drive to win, and the will to win!!! Be a winner, not for a gold medal or trophy, but for Christ who has an eternal prize for us!
Living out your life for God is not aimless or purposeless. It has a direction: towards the finish line. Where is your life headed towards? Who are you running to? What do you want out of your life?
Paul is saying: look at your life and make it all about God’s glory, go for gold, win everything: souls, hearts, minds for Jesus. Live with purpose and drive for the cause of Christ. Go into heaven with guns ablazing. Do you know what I’m living for, guys? I’m living for the day that Jesus -- the lover of my soul and savior of my life -- looks at me and tells me that I’ve done well. I finished my race. I did not come out unscathed but I did come out undefeated because of Christ who dwells in me. What we win bleeds into the essence of eternity.
Paul talks about being purposeful and training himself up for the life that lies ahead. As Christians, we can know that God has already won the war, but right now we are in the season of waiting and living victoriously until that happens.
Training is difficult. People wake up at 5 AM to start their grueling days. They have a whole team of trainers, doctors, nutritionists, managers, and other specialists to help them achieve maximum results. They sacrifice their time, money, energy, and lives for the chance at achieving their goals. For them, it is all worth it for the prize.
I’m not saying you have to quit your 9-5 and become a missionary for Christ, but I’m also not saying that your life should look the same as everyone else’s life. Olympians look, act, and think differently -- it’s just a natural result of their lifestyle -- and we should also look, act, and think differently as believers. Some times that means weekend plans look like going to church and small group meetings. Morning routines can be devoted to prayer and reading the Bible. Some Friday night plans are going to worship night or spending time in fellowship with your community.
Of course, we will never be perfect, but run the race in such a way to get the prize. Have a goal that you never give up going towards. A goal that goes beyond four years and into eternity.
Thank you!
A thank you a day keeps the depression at bay ---
I kid partly, but I think a big part of life is our mentality. The mindset of a conqueror and winner. It isn’t a belief based on projected hope or our perceived reality, it is the full and complete truth of anyone who believes in the name of Jesus! It is the strength I need when I fail a quiz, an exam, make mistakes in the clinic, and feel like giving up. Who I am is who Jesus is now. I fight for that everyday, and I surround myself with people who fight for me when I have no more strength to keep going.
It is a mentality of constant gratitude for the new life and heart that lives within me. So, thank You, God, for giving me hope and a purpose to live for. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, ““For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I hold it close to my heart through my darkest nights and brightest days. I love you, God, because You loved me first.
Thank you to my family and my parents for their constant support and love.
Thank you to my brothers and sisters in Christ who always have an encouraging word or prayer over me. You guys keep me grounded and surrounded.
Thank you to my school for this opportunity to learn, grow, and be part of a team that cares and serves others.
Thank you to my new classmates and friends for the adventures we will have, the laughs and tears we will share, the all-nighters we may pull, and the amazing journey we get to share together.
Thank you to everyone who reads this blog because to me it’s not just words on a screen, it’s my very real heart being shared and revealed in honesty and vulnerability before you. As a person who fears rejection, hates standing out, and just wants to be accepted and loved -- I hope that I would be able to see you in the fullest and glory of who you are and that you just might look at me in the same way!
Here’s to the next four years -- as I continue to share myself -- I hope that you would be blessed, encouraged, feel seen, know your importance, know that you are loved not only by me and others but by God Himself who formed you, and know that at your worst Jesus saw you at your best. I pray that you would encounter true and lasting peace, joy, and love. I pray that you would live not just to be alive or to look for momentary happiness, but find out the truth of why you are alive, who you are, and exactly who loves you!
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